My cat died

My cat, Kitty, died yesterday. She was 13 years and 3 months... and I had her for all of that, except the first 6 weeks.

Actually, I had to put her to sleep.

I am sad. Torn up...

I feel like I need to hug a pillow or something.

Kitty developed a severe kidney disease. The vet did not tell me the cause; however, from online research I had been doing the prior week, I learned that a dry-only food diet is harmful to the kidney's.

That is what she had, basically, an all dry diet. That may have been the source.

Kitty was a big ball of fur and I didn't notice her weight loss at first. It would not have done any good if I had noticed, but the decline was semi gradual for a month or two. The loss was only noticeable to me for about a week.

When I thought I saw a decrease in eating and drinking, I thought she was showing her being upset with me.

Fuck! I am angry at something I had no control over... and very sad.

I am a 41 year old healthy guy with a beautiful girlfriend that I do not deserve, and I am so so sad.

My girlfriend deserves a lot of credit for being available. While I helped manage a major event, my girlfriend took charge to find a vet, make an appointment, take Kitty to the vet, and wait, and wait, and provide updates to me via phone calls. She was a champion.

I showed up... to get the final news, make the decision, visit with Kitty, and be there for the event.

It sucked.

I felt weak. I still feel weak. Emotionally drained.

In time, I'll be better. And if there is a kittie after-life or what-ever, she's definately there. She was a good cat. She was always near me. Sleeping by my feet, coming to me when I got home.

Weird, Random, and Weird & Random

My friend Paul had a request form me. It was to draft weird and random things about myself and to share on my blog page. Here is my effort; tardy as it is.

Weird & Random:
- It took me over a month to develop this list. I often thought about it my spare time and in between activities. The reality is, I am so normal it is weird. Many of the things about me, are simply random. They are not weird, or weird and random.

Weird Fact:
- There is a patch of skin on my right leg that hosts a small patch of blond hair in a forest of brown.
- Speaking of legs, my calves are freakishly always ripped looking. I believe it is hereditary and I once was given the ‘best legs’ award for my high school senior class.
- A lot of my ex-girlfriends got married to someone they started dating soon after me.

Random:
- My list of five women I wish lived across the street includes SNL’s Kristen Wigg, Kate Beckinsale, Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway, Mary-Louise Parker, and Tina Fey. Oh, that is six.
- I regularly participate on a blog discussing California High Speed Rail.
- This past June I spent a whopping $750 for a roundtrip ride on the Eurostar train from Paris to London just to experience the feeling of travelling at almost 200mph on rails. And I only spent 7 hours in London before my return trip.
Since April I have lost almost 15 pounds and have 5 different outfits for the gym.
- I recently gave some crutches I had to a fellow that just hurt his knee. I also gave a lightly used VCR to a young mother with 2 kids. And I gave a gallon of Elmer’s Glue to my friend Michelle.
- For the past two years I have been attending ‘watch parties’ for Oklahoma football, and I am not even a fan of the Sooners. Although, I like the color red.
- The CEO of PG&E once helped me get my car started on the day before Thanksgiving.
- I enjoyed high school and look forward to each reunion.
- I donate a pint of blood about three times each year. The blood center now wants my platelets. I am afraid they’ll want my forklettes after that.

that is it. Tha is all I got.

The Conglomerate

This Thanksgiving I revisited a very brief email exchange I had with someone close; a family member. It was political and did not go well. Tonight I retrieved and reviewed the exchange, which involved the forwarding of a opinion piece from another person.

The issue was not at rest.

In some brief research on the topic I landed on a blog I had not visted prior; The Conglomerate. And this is the true point of this missive... I landed on another decisive topic speaking to paradigms. Or, false paradigms. At least, that was my feeling; false paradigms.

And then I got to thinking about one euphamism or analogy or paradigm, or whatever it is... that we have not heard in a while.

"Money is the root of all evil"

How long has it been since we really heard this saying or phrase? To me, it has seemed to be about 7 years.

Or, since 9/11.

Why is that? Does that phrase or paradigm ring true any longer? Or, has it been replaced by something else? Could it be that religion has, or 'is' replacing money in that phrase?

I am beginning to think it is.

susan

Okay okay okay. It has been awhile. I've been harassed a bit to put something up. Anything. I have even been told that my internet access priviledges would be revoked if I did not. That was over a couple beers.

This a.m. I am prompted to post a very short story sent to me from someone close. I will leave out the name to protect anonimity. And in actuality, it was not a story at all. I only interpreted it as one.

I post it because I like the writing and think this person has potential.

so my friend terry calls. i was waiting. hoping. tickets. 15 rows off the field. 30 yard line. his friends father drives the bus for madden. 10 tickets. he says bring a friend. im shooting pool with roger and I say I gotta go. meanwhile susan is there so i ask her if she wants to go. only 6 of us here. and the game is great fun. loud. my first nfl game. and susan is digging me. she’s got tattoos but what a body! hips and tits. brunette. brown eyes. angelic face. oh my.

Ooops!

I have been wrong before, I am proud to admit. And I learned tonight that I was wrong once more.

I accept that.

That awareness, or the recent event I experienced, though seems to rank up there with a couple other recent mis-steps. Nothing fatal thank goodness.

It began last friday night with an evening of drinks with some friends in a neighborhood far from where I live; North Park. I stumbled out at midnight, almost, and decided to walk home. The bar was hopping. Lots of women. The ratio must have been even... even considering the girl with b.o. that one of my friends must have sent over to me.

I was being a bump on a log... not wanting to give up my seat. What can I say.

So, with several Red Bulls and Grey Goose vodka's in me, on the way out the door I began a text messaging exchange with someone I once dated.

Ouch. Stupid. But also cool.

Nevertheless, after a 3.6 mile walk through a sketchy neighborhood, San Diego's hoppin 'alternative' neighborhood, Advil from my bathroom cabinent, a good nights sleep, and good gym workout the next day, I deleted her number from my cell.

And I did not feel anything.

Second thing gone array... well, it really was not my doing. On Saturday night the lamp in my DLP went out. Without backup in hand, no SNL, no Sunday NFL, and no Entourage Premiere.

It was only $150 later on a Tuesday, last night, was able to get my CNN Huricane Ike updates.

Unfortunate mistake #3... I thought there was some eye contact going on with me and someone at the gym. I thought she was cute.

After a couple-few days, seeing her each time but never quite seeing her alone and not doing anything, I decided to leave her a note with my number. It was clear.

Twice since at the gym, and after not getting a call back and still seeing her in the gym, the same dilemma was occurring; busy and not alone. Maybe she did not connect the name with the eye contact or knew who I wa? I don't know. So, each time after my workout I hung for a bit... making myself available. But, my obvious availability was not reciprocated.

My bad, it must have been my imagination.

Bump

Wow... it looks like I fell off the keyboard. I haven't updated this in 2 months.

Things still same ole same. There is movement on some things, but stuff is okay.

Life Coach

While my phone is recharging, drained because I have been on it a lot, here's the update... Started getting much better sleep. I didn't awaken at all last night. And when I did, my mind did not immediately begin zipping to the challenge ahead.

So, I hit the snooze button.

A couple times.

A welcome relief.

Also, someone has stepped forward and provided appropriate and timely advice and other comments. She got me to bring the picture into a narrower focus; to figure out what I needed to do and create a plan. Positive comments were also welcomed and the term 'life coach' came up. I think it is appropriate. That's what she just did... and we all need that.

Right?

And my point is, you never know whom will step forward and provide a perspective or input that you hadn't previously considered. Only on a whim did I tell her when I could have easily kept the information to myself. So, tell as many people as you feel comfortable telling about being laid-off and looking for new work. The more people you tell, the more people can become your teammates in helping you.