Canned

My cat died

2009-11-16T20:35:00.000-08:00

My cat, Kitty, died yesterday. She was 13 years and 3 months... and I had her for all of that, except the first 6 weeks.

Actually, I had to put her to sleep.

I am sad. Torn up...

I feel like I need to hug a pillow or something.

Kitty developed a severe kidney disease. The vet did not tell me the cause; however, from online research I had been doing the prior week, I learned that a dry-only food diet is harmful to the kidney's.

That is what she had, basically, an all dry diet. That may have been the source.

Kitty was a big ball of fur and I didn't notice her weight loss at first. It would not have done any good if I had noticed, but the decline was semi gradual for a month or two. The loss was only noticeable to me for about a week.

When I thought I saw a decrease in eating and drinking, I thought she was showing her being upset with me.

Fuck! I am angry at something I had no control over... and very sad.

I am a 41 year old healthy guy with a beautiful girlfriend that I do not deserve, and I am so so sad.

My girlfriend deserves a lot of credit for being available. While I helped manage a major event, my girlfriend took charge to find a vet, make an appointment, take Kitty to the vet, and wait, and wait, and provide updates to me via phone calls. She was a champion.

I showed up... to get the final news, make the decision, visit with Kitty, and be there for the event.

It sucked.

I felt weak. I still feel weak. Emotionally drained.

In time, I'll be better. And if there is a kittie after-life or what-ever, she's definately there. She was a good cat. She was always near me. Sleeping by my feet, coming to me when I got home.

Weird, Random, and Weird & Random

2008-11-29T11:20:00.000-08:00

My friend Paul had a request form me. It was to draft weird and random things about myself and to share on my blog page. Here is my effort; tardy as it is.

Weird & Random:
- It took me over a month to develop this list. I often thought about it my spare time and in between activities. The reality is, I am so normal it is weird. Many of the things about me, are simply random. They are not weird, or weird and random.

Weird Fact:
- There is a patch of skin on my right leg that hosts a small patch of blond hair in a forest of brown.
- Speaking of legs, my calves are freakishly always ripped looking. I believe it is hereditary and I once was given the ‘best legs’ award for my high school senior class.
- A lot of my ex-girlfriends got married to someone they started dating soon after me.

Random:
- My list of five women I wish lived across the street includes SNL’s Kristen Wigg, Kate Beckinsale, Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway, Mary-Louise Parker, and Tina Fey. Oh, that is six.
- I regularly participate on a blog discussing California High Speed Rail.
- This past June I spent a whopping $750 for a roundtrip ride on the Eurostar train from Paris to London just to experience the feeling of travelling at almost 200mph on rails. And I only spent 7 hours in London before my return trip.
Since April I have lost almost 15 pounds and have 5 different outfits for the gym.
- I recently gave some crutches I had to a fellow that just hurt his knee. I also gave a lightly used VCR to a young mother with 2 kids. And I gave a gallon of Elmer’s Glue to my friend Michelle.
- For the past two years I have been attending ‘watch parties’ for Oklahoma football, and I am not even a fan of the Sooners. Although, I like the color red.
- The CEO of PG&E once helped me get my car started on the day before Thanksgiving.
- I enjoyed high school and look forward to each reunion.
- I donate a pint of blood about three times each year. The blood center now wants my platelets. I am afraid they’ll want my forklettes after that.

that is it. Tha is all I got.

The Conglomerate

2008-11-28T01:54:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving I revisited a very brief email exchange I had with someone close; a family member. It was political and did not go well. Tonight I retrieved and reviewed the exchange, which involved the forwarding of a opinion piece from another person.

The issue was not at rest.

In some brief research on the topic I landed on a blog I had not visted prior; The Conglomerate. And this is the true point of this missive... I landed on another decisive topic speaking to paradigms. Or, false paradigms. At least, that was my feeling; false paradigms.

And then I got to thinking about one euphamism or analogy or paradigm, or whatever it is... that we have not heard in a while.

"Money is the root of all evil"

How long has it been since we really heard this saying or phrase? To me, it has seemed to be about 7 years.

Or, since 9/11.

Why is that? Does that phrase or paradigm ring true any longer? Or, has it been replaced by something else? Could it be that religion has, or 'is' replacing money in that phrase?

I am beginning to think it is.

susan

2008-11-24T08:24:00.001-08:00

Okay okay okay. It has been awhile. I've been harassed a bit to put something up. Anything. I have even been told that my internet access priviledges would be revoked if I did not. That was over a couple beers.

This a.m. I am prompted to post a very short story sent to me from someone close. I will leave out the name to protect anonimity. And in actuality, it was not a story at all. I only interpreted it as one.

I post it because I like the writing and think this person has potential.

so my friend terry calls. i was waiting. hoping. tickets. 15 rows off the field. 30 yard line. his friends father drives the bus for madden. 10 tickets. he says bring a friend. im shooting pool with roger and I say I gotta go. meanwhile susan is there so i ask her if she wants to go. only 6 of us here. and the game is great fun. loud. my first nfl game. and susan is digging me. she’s got tattoos but what a body! hips and tits. brunette. brown eyes. angelic face. oh my.

Ooops!

2008-09-10T20:54:00.001-07:00

I have been wrong before, I am proud to admit. And I learned tonight that I was wrong once more.

I accept that.

That awareness, or the recent event I experienced, though seems to rank up there with a couple other recent mis-steps. Nothing fatal thank goodness.

It began last friday night with an evening of drinks with some friends in a neighborhood far from where I live; North Park. I stumbled out at midnight, almost, and decided to walk home. The bar was hopping. Lots of women. The ratio must have been even... even considering the girl with b.o. that one of my friends must have sent over to me.

I was being a bump on a log... not wanting to give up my seat. What can I say.

So, with several Red Bulls and Grey Goose vodka's in me, on the way out the door I began a text messaging exchange with someone I once dated.

Ouch. Stupid. But also cool.

Nevertheless, after a 3.6 mile walk through a sketchy neighborhood, San Diego's hoppin 'alternative' neighborhood, Advil from my bathroom cabinent, a good nights sleep, and good gym workout the next day, I deleted her number from my cell.

And I did not feel anything.

Second thing gone array... well, it really was not my doing. On Saturday night the lamp in my DLP went out. Without backup in hand, no SNL, no Sunday NFL, and no Entourage Premiere.

It was only $150 later on a Tuesday, last night, was able to get my CNN Huricane Ike updates.

Unfortunate mistake #3... I thought there was some eye contact going on with me and someone at the gym. I thought she was cute.

After a couple-few days, seeing her each time but never quite seeing her alone and not doing anything, I decided to leave her a note with my number. It was clear.

Twice since at the gym, and after not getting a call back and still seeing her in the gym, the same dilemma was occurring; busy and not alone. Maybe she did not connect the name with the eye contact or knew who I wa? I don't know. So, each time after my workout I hung for a bit... making myself available. But, my obvious availability was not reciprocated.

My bad, it must have been my imagination.

Bump

2008-08-11T16:09:00.000-07:00

Wow... it looks like I fell off the keyboard. I haven't updated this in 2 months.

Things still same ole same. There is movement on some things, but stuff is okay.

Life Coach

2008-06-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

While my phone is recharging, drained because I have been on it a lot, here's the update... Started getting much better sleep. I didn't awaken at all last night. And when I did, my mind did not immediately begin zipping to the challenge ahead.

So, I hit the snooze button.

A couple times.

A welcome relief.

Also, someone has stepped forward and provided appropriate and timely advice and other comments. She got me to bring the picture into a narrower focus; to figure out what I needed to do and create a plan. Positive comments were also welcomed and the term 'life coach' came up. I think it is appropriate. That's what she just did... and we all need that.

Right?

And my point is, you never know whom will step forward and provide a perspective or input that you hadn't previously considered. Only on a whim did I tell her when I could have easily kept the information to myself. So, tell as many people as you feel comfortable telling about being laid-off and looking for new work. The more people you tell, the more people can become your teammates in helping you.

Little Update; emphasis on little

2008-06-11T19:52:00.000-07:00

I am a new fan of Monster.com. Less than 24 hours after posting my resume I receieved at least 2 credible leades. One resulted in an impromptu phone interview with a consulting firm having offices throughout the west, including San Diego.

It'll be followed up next week with a second.

A third call was recieved, but I believe they were a recruiter seeking me as a client. I'll learn more about that tomorrow in a call-back.

So, very interesting. It inspired me to post my resume elsewhere; like on TheLadders.

I am also a fan of a brown rug I purchased a few months ago. Spilled Spanish red wine, an ounce, doesn't show up at all. And, after-all, that is why I got it.

Monster Night!

2008-06-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

Whew! What a night. In a sense, similar to the pevious two.

Upon awakening earlier than usual my first and immediate thoughts go to my current situation. I believe such is the case for most everyone when going through big transitions; breakups, marriages, moving, big college test or presentation, etc. For me, it's.... well, you know.

Last night I awakened at 2:15am. I tried forcing myself to think of something else, like sheep, but nothing worked for quite awhile. It also did not help that my laptop went into an automatic software update and lit up the adjacent room. A little Nyquil and I was back to sleep in an hour. The previous couple days I awakened at about 5am and just decided to begin the day.

About Monster:

I am not depending on Monster 100%; however, I just recieved the first installment of a list of job postings meeting my criteria. It's obvious I need to refine the search criteria as transportation and planning is too general a term or terms.

And more about Monster Nights... apparently a 90 year old neighbor living in the 16 floor tower next to me lost control of their vehicle last night and wrecked 5 cars. Those affected included my neighbor/landlord whom had their SUV parked on the street and towed away by authorities.

I do not know why

2008-06-10T22:47:00.000-07:00

About every third person I speak with seems to press me a little about how the decision was made to cut staff. And in particular, me.

I do not know. Other than the agency approved cutting 28 positions, 10 of which were filled by human body's, I do not know. And I knew that during the Monday morning exit interview asking that question would not guarantee a true answer. So, why ask at all. It's out of my control and not to fret about it.

Being that this is California and the place of employment was a public agency, any pertinent response would be a risky trade for the organization... risk of legal retribution versus the personal understanding for the affected individual. Any smart public agency would stick to the basics... balancing the budget and so forth.

Where I worked commonly practiced smart decision making practices. And, although not me, there may be individuals among those other 9 let go that just might seek some type of reconciliation.

With that said, I went to tonights Padre baseball game against Dodgers. Beforehand I went into Tilted Kilt for burger and drink and good atmosphere. Everything was good, especially the good atmosphere. But when it came time to pay the tab I learned that one of the bartenders, not the awesome looking female serving me, gave my debit card out to someone else. And charged the other persons tab on my card. They reversed that charged, and comped my tab, but my card was long gone and on the way to the ballpark next door for who knows what.

20 minutes later I contacted my bank to cancel the card and I am now without off-hour access to my account for the next 3-5 business days. It's better than some yahoo with my card, but it didn't need to happen to begin with.

The Padres also lost the game, 2-7.

Overwhelming Support

2008-06-10T16:21:00.000-07:00

The outreach and support I have recieved has been tremendous. It has really been more than anticipated.

Those close to me are famliar enough to know I'll respond with an optomistic outlook and need little re-assurances. But even so, it's all very welcome.

I am deciding to put aside any issues I may have with a hurt pride or ego, and from the advise of one of those persons advising me, I have decided to begin formulating a 2-week plan and to create an account on Monster.com. I've uploaded some information; however, it appears some re-formatting may be in order.... and general redesigning it for the site.

I think this is the public view of my resume here.

Get Ready, Set...

2008-06-09T17:58:00.000-07:00

I am almost ready to begin looking for another job. But, there is no rush or critical situation at the moment. I anticipate that the transition could take anywhere from 2 weeks to several weeks or more. The shorter window would be if I sought and secured employment in the private sector.

If you do not know me already or know what I do, or did, I worked in the public sector. In transportation planning. I absolutely love the profession. I expect working for the public in the future, it would be an honor, but would not rule out working for a transportation consultant firm. The advantage of the public sector is having a closer relationship to the public and achievements in doing some good.

Anyway, the recruitment process for the public sector is much more exacting... extended... err... it takes time. Based on past experience, when a public entity decides to recruit for a position it can take as many as 6 months to get a body. That is somewhere between standard and being optomistic. And, it is only after about 2 or 3 full months into that process that a recruitment notice is even publicized.

Anyway, over the weekend I made sure my computer could talk to my printer and that I had envelopes and stamps. My resume is pretty much up to date and in good condition. But, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have a professional look at it. After all, I am working with a model approach that has been standard for 10 or more years!

I should probably begin thinking about online tools and advice sites. Perhaps I'll link them. Any readers know of good sites? Other than the standard Monster.

Very Much At Ease

2008-06-09T13:47:00.000-07:00

My bank, Union Bank of California, would not let me deposit my vacation payout. Apparently the way it is written makes them squimish. They may have been noobs?

The section identifying "pay to the order of" includes both my name and the company/department I worked for.

I suppose that could look a little odd... hypothetically recieving a check identified for a company and trying to deposit into a personal account. But, if they realized that the check was written on the company stub, why would it be written back to the company?

I think they should have honored that it was written for me. Again, maybe they were noobs.

Anyway, I've contacted the HR Director and we agreed that I'd send the check back to him, he'd cancel it, and another check would be re-issued without the company name on it.

On another note, I have recieved at least three calls from persons seeking updates and to share their thoughts. I appreciate that. I am still doing well and very much at ease over the news.

Being Canned Today?

2008-06-09T11:14:00.000-07:00

Well, damit. It looks like I lost my very first post; made this AM before going into work. Oh well, based on the post below, it was probably too long to begin with.

The short of it; however, was that my intuition was telling me I was about to be laid-off. I knew that 28 positions were slated to be eliminated; 10 currently filled. And on Saturday, after returning from a vacation to Paris and London, I went into work to unpack and organize my new office (my dept relocated while I was on vacation). I attemtped to log-on to the network, but learned that my access was disabled and advised by IT to contact Human Resources on Monday.

The original version was pleasant or eloquent, but, the energy is lost to redo it.

test

2008-06-09T11:07:00.001-07:00

test... I may have lost my first posting; made this AM at 6:42.

I Lost My Job Today

2008-06-09T10:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I am home now. That should be telling in of itself now. I should say, as soon as I walked out the door to head to work, or maybe after my initial post (see below), I felt at ease about the possibility.

And, the ride into work was rather nice and relaxing (On Bus Route 11). I didn't feel any pent-up nervous energy at all. I suppose my reaction was typical for me; it's outside of my control so why fret about it.

Of course, writing about it also helps.

I wish I felt that way on Saturday evening and Sunday. Maybe my falling asleep early and getting up ridiculously early at 5am was more to do with catching up on jet lag than anticipating today. Although, each night I had work related nightmares fesh on my mind upon awakening!

Here's how it went:

On my way in I decided to run an errand, knowing that I would likely miss being there right at 8am. I got off the bus and headed for a nearby post office.

Then, I headed to Starbucks at 10th & Market. This is one I typically hit on my way to work. Or, visit for a work break once or twice a month.

I walked the rest of the way.

Interesting was that my path took me across a large parking lot located between Petco Park and my office building. My co-workers were now located in offices on the 10th floor, and have a view of the lot. Did they see me coming in?

Either way, I walked into the building at about 8:15am, cup of Starbucks in hand, and straight to an elevator. To my fortune, no waiting. I half expected someone from HR downstairs to greet me?

Instead of going to my new office floor on the 10th, my department moved from the 9th to the 10th floor last week while I was on vacation, I headed to Human Resources located on the old floor. After-all, that is where the IT person suggested I go on Monday morning.

I swiped my card to gain entrance to employee area, it worked, and headed to the welcome desk. I thought HR also moved last week to my departments old area last week too. But, I was wrong. I asked the reception person, whom has always been nice and excellent person, to phone someone I knew in HR, and whom I envisioned could be doing the deed.

The receptionist showed some confusion, but that was natural since I could have easily walked across the hall and straight to HR without a formal invitation. While she was on hold and answering questions to others, a couple co-workers in another department teased me for going to the wrong floor. I wanted to step away and visit with them, but, before I knew it the call-back from HR was that they wanted me to come down the hall to see them.

And so I did.

After arriving in HR, the Director was there to greet me and invited me into his office. I stepped away for a second to drop-off my old office key in an adjacent office, since I was no longer in that office whether or not I had a job, and a book I barrowed from the company library managed by HR. It's title was True North.

I made my way back to the Director of HR's office.

Still not knowing, I walked in and in a pleasant manner asked, "So, was my intiuition correct? Did you hear I came over the weekend and put 2 and 2 togehter?"

I got the affirmative and was offered to take a seat.

He is a good guy. And he knows his duties very well. Our whole conversation was pleasant.

Soon after arriving, the interim director of my department showed up. We each then sat and went over the details. Of course, I got the apoligies that are standard, and we went over the transition... vacation time paid out, the company will pay for 3 months of health insurance, retirement and 457 advice, and if I sign an agreement I'll get a severance package.

That last part I did not anticpate, but it is welcome and will make the transition less stressful as I begin looking for another job.

The total discussion lasted about 15 minutes. I know it was not easy for them to provide me the news. I could tell it in their eyes and voice; mostly my interim boss. The HR Director is good guy and was both friendly and professional about the news.

But, I think I was the most at ease in the room. No wavering voice. No shaking hands. No asking 'why me and not someone else.'

My new ex-boss then walked me 150 feet out to the elevator to go down, talking most of the time about the transition and advising me to call her if needed. I think it was difficult for her, but, she probably knew it was a duty she was suppose to do; as much for my benefit as also for herself and personal understanding and growth.

Her next duty was to inform the department. I am sure that was a little stressful too.

Now, I am off to deposit my vacation time that was paid out; about 240 hours, and to get some lunch. After all, I got up at 5am and I am hungry.